Fall

Wow! We have been having a warm but beautiful fall so far. This is my favorite season! Leaves a just beginning to turn color, but not even close to peak, so we have that to look forward to. Jim and I went out to eat the other night and he asked me where I wanted to go. My only requirement, was somewhere with a patio. I just wanted to be out and enjoy this weather as long as I can.

Well things are getting better. We still miss our dog, but life moves on. Sometimes I still come home and look for her at the top of the stairs. Sometimes Jim still calls for her as he is laying on the floor watching tv. I'm working on a shadowbox for Jim for Christmas to preserve some memories. I think he'll really like that.

We went shopping and picked out a new tv. Problem is that all the new tv's are rectangle and our entertainment center has a traditional square opening. So we had to purchase a new entertainment center too! That came the other day and I have it all assembled. Now we have to move the old one out (and sell it because I think it is too big to fit downstairs) and set up everything in the new one. Maybe I'll call about cable today.....

Nate finished up driver's ed and got his license. Then we had to insure him-ouch! Now he is pushing for a car, but he still has no job. We plan on giving him Jim's jeep when Jim gets a new car. Nate is letting his hair grow out again and it is getting ugly. I asked him to please get it trimmed so we can take senior pictures, and he has refused me. He doesn't want to cut his hair and he doesn't want to take pictures. That stubborn selfishness will serve him well in life won't it!

Noah is doing well in school. I think the reality of becoming a doctor is starting to hit him. He talks more about doing research and this week was rambling on about becoming a CSI. Problem is I don't think CSI pay will cover his loans! We are going to go down and see him this weekend and I'm looking forward to that. We wanted to go to Parent's Weekend next month, but it was $120 for us to attend. I thought for that much money, surely we get to go to a football game, but Nooooo....You get to go on the field and have your picture taken with the mascot and cheerleaders!

My volunteering with TBH is going well. I am working with an adult group. Their stories really touch me and I fervently pray that I won't do or say anything that adds to their pain. I was less nervous the second week, but still get nervous because this is my first time working through the curriculum. I also continue on with my weight loss journey. I'm trying to walk most days and so far I've lost 65 lbs. Only two more to go until I meet the goal I set for myself. I've made a lifestyle change though, so perhaps I'm not through and I'll go lower before I'm done. I feel blessed to have gotten this far!

Well, I'd better go and get my bills paid and things cleaned up. Got a busy weekend with visiting Noah, a work party tomorrow, and looking at cars.

Hard Day

Yesterday, Jim and I put down our beloved dog of 14 years, Belle. She had a cancerous tumor on her bladder that we had known about for almost a year. The vet had told us that it wouldn't spread, but there seemed to be more going on with each passing day. She was growing weak in her back legs and couldn't do much physically without them giving out on her. Her bark had grown husky and lately it was rare to even hear her bark. She was breathing louder, sleeping harder, and had lots of lumps and bumps we could feel throughout her body. The medicine we were giving her would upset her tummy, she was straining more and more to go to the bathroom, and started having more accidents in the house. Last weekend we had two incidents that helped me come to peace with this decision. Saturday night, Jim let her out before bed, and she took off. He went out looking for her until 2:30 am, but could not find her. I was so upset and worried that I lost sleep. She has taken off in the past-every once in awhile she just gets the urge to go on an adventure. Problem this time-it was like a 98 year old person not realizing their limitations out there. I was afraid she would wander too far and her legs would give out on her in the middle of the road and she would get hit. I was also concerned because we didn't get her shots this summer. Why bother when we knew she would be gone soon. What if this is the one time she bit someone-we would be in more trouble without those shots. Well our neighbor called us in the morning and said she was down at his house. She didn't eat all day-wonder what she got into on her adventure-but she also didn't get sick. Sunday evening, Jim and I went out for a bit. Nate was home with her, but evidently she slept. So when we came back, she probably needed to go outside. She was acting antsy, but we were distracted and figured she wanted food. As Jim was feeding her, I walked into the living room and found her going potty on the carpet! What was so shocking is that she never really let us know she had to go out. She would bark and pester you until you got it, but not this time. She just followed us around and panted and we didn't pick up on it. Jim and I talked several times over the week and came to the decision together. He had a harder time, he really loved that dog and she loved him. I needed it to be a mutual decision and I needed him to be there too. It was so hard. She was thumping her tail even as he gave her the injection. I can't believe the amount of grief I have about this. It seems excessive for a dog. I felt like I was finally moving through the grief for my mom, and this brings up all those same emotions. Maybe I am just not ready to deal with loss again. And of course with this there is the guilt. We made the decision, we took her there, she trusted us. I don't feel like it was the wrong decision, it was just one I had hoped we would never have to make.

Feeling like Fall

After a very warm Labor Day weekend, a cold front has moved through and it is downright chilly! I should have worn a sweatshirt out on my walk this morning. I'm not complaining-I love this kind of weather.

We went camping over Labor Day. It was the first time we have gone this summer! Noah was going to stay home and watch the dog, but hours before we left, he changed his mind and decided to come with us. Jim's reaction-"We don't have enough food". Nate went to camp with a friend, so it was supposed to be just Jim and I. Even though I was grateful that Noah decided to come with us, it did put a kink in our plans and cause extra work at the last minute to make it happen. We camped in South Dakota at a private camp that was very nice. The camp was small and quiet, so that made the weekend very relaxing. Saturday we made a good breakfast and then went down to the lake and floated around. The lake was pretty clean and cool, so it was very refreshing. Noah and I played washers (he beat me by one point), and then we all played a game of Mexican Train dominoes. Noah was the previous champion (which he loved rubbing in), but he finished in last place this time around. That evening we got cleaned up and went to Sioux Falls for dinner. I had heard about a Brazilian grill, which Jim was really wanting to try when we went to Charlotte this summer. It was a neat dining experience. They had this little wheel on your table-half was red and half green. When you wanted the gauchos to come around with the meat selections, you would turn your wheel to green. They would come with all sorts of meat on a long skewer and slice it off for you at your table. There was sausage, parmesan chicken, top sirloin, even alligator. When you had enough, you would turn the wheel to red. There was also a salad bar with all sorts of interesting things-rum eggs, hearts of palm, oysters, meats & cheeses-and a hot bar that had fried bananas for dessert (yum). It was rather expensive, but a treat we really enjoyed. Sunday, we just hung around camp in the morning. Noah used the time to catch up on homework. In the afternoon, we headed back to Sioux Falls to go to the Lifelight Festival. This is the free christian music festival we have gone to several times. In previous years, we have camped right on site and attended the festival all weekend. I didn't get my reservations in early enough this year though. We arrived just in time to see, Matthew West, Phil Joel, Building 429, Natalie Grant, and Casting Crowns. So much fun!!

It has been nice to have a shortened work week too! We are starting a new thing at work to learn more about library 2.0. I am excited to start that, even though it is not easy to do with all the interruptions. Nate finished the classroom part of driver's ed. Monday he will start the driving part. I don't think he has enough experience, but we need to move him forward and get past this obstacle. I think school is going ok for both boys. Noah has had a lot of hassle trying to buy his books elsewhere to save a little money. The most recent problem is that a book he bought off Amazon didn't come with a code that he needs to do quizzes online for his professor. That code can't be bought separate and only comes with the book from the bookstore, so he had to buy a brand new book from the bookstore and send his book from Amazon back. Isn't that a rip! He doesn't think it has been worth all the hassle just to save $40-live and learn! Nate is enjoying his graphics arts class and work study. For that he is working at a car stereo shop, learning how to install that kind of stuff. They also do upholstery, but he hasn't got into that yet. Our dog is really declining and we are trying to decided whether to put her down or refill her medicine one more month. She is starting to have some more accidents, and her stomach is touchy with the medicine. A couple of weeks ago, I came home from work and she had thrown up in 17 spots. It took hours of clean up. Her back legs are getting weaker and weaker. She went swimming in the lake this weekend and after going out about a dozen times, her back legs would collapse when she tried to stand up. It is hard. My grief support group starts next week. I need to look over my materials this weekend. I am still nervous.

Well I'd better go. I want to vacuum and dust and put the fall decorations out today.