March News

Hello all! Trying to recover after a rough couple of weeks now. Last week was just very busy, as I was gone every night. I very much enjoyed the color analysis I had done. I found out that I am a summer (but I so wanted to be a winter!). We had a great night at TBH. We did a different activity with the adults where they painted a glass votive making a "memory candle". They were laughing and sharing stories....it really opened up opportunities to talk with them. I also had a great night at bible study. Upon closing, someone asked for prayer. Normally, if you need prayer you stay after and a small group will pray with you, but we all stayed and prayed over these two requests. The gal that initiated is someone that I have only recently met, so I don't know much about her, but she does intrigue me. She is a little charismatic and so open to God. After praying for the requests, she started praying for Michelle. I was thinking, Michelle who??? Is she praying about me??? Is there another Michelle in our group??? It must be me right??? By the time I stopped all these questions rolling around in my mind, I heard her lift up two requests and prophesy a little. One, that I would draw close to God-he was calling me into the holy of holies to be with Him. Two, that he had a ministry planned just for me and he was calling me into it. Wow! I was blown away. God was speaking to me through this woman who barely knows me! She could never know that the deep cry of my heart was just that-to be deeply intimate with my Lord. I went home in tears pondering this prayer. I prayed and felt led to read my favorite devotional, Come Away my Beloved. When I did, the Lord gave me confirmation that He was calling to me and that we would share that intimacy which I so desire. Wow! I so needed to hear that. Since then, He is working on some issues with me, and I am a slow learner, but I'm starting to feel alive inside again. These past 4 years since my mom's death, I have felt so stagnant and alone. It is an exciting time for me! Noah surprised us over the weekend with a visit. He is still struggling this semester and is going to drop his organic chemistry class after failing a second test. He has lost all desire to be a doctor, or even be in the science field! He is thinking about switching to business as his major-he likes working at the bank. I have so many concerns floating around in my head-but what can I do? I have talked and talked to him, but he has to find his own way. Unfortunately, it appears he is going to learn it the hard way....which is hard for me as his parent to stand by and watch. And Nate, he is going to have to learn the hard, hard, hard, way! This week, I got sick. I missed a day of work and was in bed all day in agony. Each day, I have felt stronger, but I'm still not completely over it. I have been working with my clarinet. I thought the fingerings would be easy, and I would struggle with the rhythm, but it turns out both are a challenge. I have to look up most notes and when I play it is so awkward, trying to get the notes on the right beat. Aarrgghhh. We have our first group rehearsal this week! Tomorrow, we are having a party for our co-worker. Yesterday was her last day with us. We picked up a beautiful necklace (for a great price). She is a bundle of nerves, so I hope she can enjoy the party tomorrow. My eyes are getting pretty bad, so I have scheduled an eye exam for next week. I'm pretty sure I'll need glasses. Wonder if I can handle contacts? Well that is enough for now. I had to work today, my back is killing me, and I'm exhausted, so I think I'm off to bed, even though it is kind of early.

A Weekend Alone

Hello again! We are without children this weekend as Nathan went down to visit Noah. In a way it is very peaceful. I can get on my computer and look at things. No thumping music at night. No grumpy attitude to deal with. But in a way, it is a preview of things to come and that is scary. No kids to distract you from real issues. No youthful vitality to stretch you to try new things. No one else to talk to/spend time with. I am scared heading into middle age, and terrified of menopause. What if we don't survive? What if years of neglect have taken an irreversible tole on our relationship?

We are still working on our taxes. I want to much to have it done and cleaned up. The last of the paperwork, then I can move on to the house issues. I have been walking or using the elliptical most days and I can already feel the difference. I need to add some strength training and stretching soon. We have had a couple of nice days, so going outside for a walk has been a real treat. Today is not one of those days-gray & gloomy, cold & rainy.

The news at work is rather gloomy as well. My co-worker is teary most days with her impending departure. I am trying to keep an open mind and be positive about her replacement, but.....the news I am hearing seems to confirm my fears. Still, everyone deserves a chance, and I will give that to her. This week I am taking a fun little class at the community college-color analysis. I'll let you know how that goes later. I also have begun practicing my clarinet in preparation for our first rehearsal at the end of the month. I hope to receive the actual music soon. I may have to ask someone for help! Picked up some tickets to the musical Wicked this week. We are going close to Nate's graduation, so Jim's mom can go with me.

Noah called this week, distraught. He had another bad test grade. He did poorly on one organic chemistry test, and now one genetics test. He was frustrated and felt like a failure. We had some good conversation about persevering and not finding your worth in your performance, but he said he felt so lost. He's not even sure he is in the right major anymore. Remember him in your prayers.

Got to go and get some dinner going!

It doesn't look like March!

We got another snowstorm, so everything is all white and pretty today. The problem is that we keep getting 50 degree weather in between, so it all melts and it feels fresh like spring, and then BAM-the next storm rolls through. I am ready for spring. Earlier this week, on one of those 50 degree days, I took a walk at the park. It was so refreshing to breathe the air and feel the sunshine on my face.

We went to see Anita Renfroe for Valentine's Day. I don't know how much Jim enjoyed her humor, as it is targeted towards women. It did seem to help him understand me a little more. He acts like I am some alien woman- like I am the only one that thinks/acts this way or deals with this "woman" stuff. As he watched all the women around me laughing and shaking their heads yes in agreement, I think he realized that I'm not such an alien after all!

I picked up my elliptical and Nate helped me put it together. I have been using it most days (unless it is one of those beautiful ones where I want to be outside) and it is already helping to tone things up. I need to add some strength training and stretching this week.

I had lunch with a new friend this week. We talked for 4 hours! I needed some girl time so bad!!

Work has been busy and I have been having trouble keeping up with all my tasks. We found out on Friday that they are going to move my co-worker to another branch and bring in someone new. We were not happy about that. I'm afraid we are going to get someone that will not be nearly as good, and the quality of service at our branch will again suffer, not to mention the morale.

Noah will probably not be coming home for the summer. He has a good job as a bank teller that he wants to keep while he is in school, and they found a new place to live. Since he has to sign a year lease, he is planning on staying there and working. I'm fine with that. We actually told him that he should seriously consider that since he was being so difficult with us at home. What I really wanted was for him to just be more considerate and helpful and to stop fighting with us over stupid stuff. After he realized we were serious about him not coming home, he shaped up. Now that he has things worked out for the summer, he is back to being difficult. How disappointing. Noah was home last weekend. Two days after going back, he called and said he thought he needed new brakes, they were grinding when he stopped. He tried to say everything was fine when he was home for the weekend, but when we drove the car it was downright dangerous. When we spoke about what was needed to fix the car, I tried to talk to him about how he needs to pay closer attention. That started it! He started arguing. I finally said what I was looking for was an I'm sorry I wasn't paying close attention to my car and I'll try to do better in the future. He said he would try to do better in the future but he wouldn't apologize for not paying attention to his car because he has never had good brakes so how would he know when things are going bad. No humility, after we spent $500 to fix his car! While I had the car, I also noticed a big dent and scrape on his front bumper. When I asked about that he told me he was driving in the parking garage and was juggling four things in his hands, one of which was not the steering wheel. He ran into the wall of the parking garage! Now that's what I call paying attention! Today he is not happy with us because he wanted us to co-sign his lease for next year and we told him we weren't inclined to do that, but would talk it over. An hour and a half later, they had another parent co-sign, so we didn't have to, but he was still grumpy with us for not jumping at the opportunity.

Nate has also been grumpy. He lost it last weekend when I tried to clamp down on him because of a failing math grade. He threw his car keys and the battery of his cell phone at me and said he was leaving and I wouldn't be able to find him. He eventually came home because it was too cold, but unless he changes, one day he won't come home (or if he does, he'll find a suitcase of his stuff out front and he'll know he isn't welcome to come back home). He cut his hair a couple of weeks ago. He was bored and tired of long hair. It looks terrible, and he knows it, but he won't let me take him to get it fixed. He still doesn't have a job. He changed his mind about college and is not going anymore. His big goal is to get a job at Walmart when he turns 18.

We have been doing our taxes. It is not working so well this year. Turbo Tax is not figuring something correctly, so we have to figure a way to make the program do what we want it to do. We must have moved up a tax bracket (and lost child tax credits for the boys), so we are not getting much of a refund this year. Ouch, that hurts!

Well that is about all for today. Better get some dinner on and keep the laundry rolling!