Beautiful June

Hello! We are into June and all week it is supposed to be in the 70's. We have had a few hot days, but mostly cooler weather, which this northern girl really enjoys. I think the temperature in heaven will be in the 70's!

The big news is about work. The summer reading program started this week, so it has been like working at Chuck E Cheese. Loud, chaotic, busy...... It is exhausting. It is also frustrating. I have noticed a shift in parenting. Moms no longer correct their kids or even tell them no. I had a mom bring her toddler to an adult program I did this week. He was not happy to be there and kept voicing that rather loudly. I kept waiting for mom to realize it wasn't going to work and take him out, but she wouldn't. It was obviously bothering the rest of the people in attendance, so I finally had to say something. When the movie was done, I invited her back in for dessert and discussion. She got that child a full piece of very expensive cheesecake, and didn't say a word as he just squished it to oblivion with his hands. It scares me to think about the kind of adults they will become when they are spoiled, indulged, never told no, and nothing is off limits. I recently heard a talk and the woman said withholding creates gratitude. How can a child ever be grateful if all their desires are totally met? It is better to not give them everything, so they learn to be grateful for what they have, and grateful when they receive something they desired and had to wait for. A word of advice for moms-it's ok to tell your child NO, it is ok to correct bad behavior, it is ok if the child cries and even pitches a fit, it is ok if your child says he doesn't like you. You need to be a parent, not their friend. Get it right now, because the teenage years will be here before you know it. Teens are like toddlers on steroids!

The other news about work is that I am probably getting my hours cut. I'm really not happy about that. First of all, I have a child in college and need all the hours I can get. Secondly, the way I was told was insensitive. It popped into my bosses head as I was on my way out the door and she just blurted it out and then gave me the look that says "I know I can count on you to understand and not give me a hard time about this". Third, it isn't fair. She is cutting my hours and one other part time person because we are the part timers that make the most money. I understand it has the least impact on the staffing if she cuts us. So two people have to bear the brunt of a bad economy and others bad decisions, while 8 people carry on normally. I've also been given new "job expectations". These were extra things I was expected to do that will affect my performance evaluation. I barely have time to get my regular work done, and now I'm expected to do extra with less time. It just isn't sitting very well with me still.

More about work-Nathan has a job!! He is working for a seeding company. It pays decent and they work him hard. The only disadvantage is he doesn't have a regular schedule. He got his first paycheck the other day-YEAH!

Jim went to work on his boat three weeks ago and something broke in the motor. He is taking it in this week for repairs. Still, he could be putting that seat back together and cleaning the boat up in that time so it would be ready for use when the motor gets fixed! We cleaned a bunch of stuff up and tried to have a garage sale last week. Unfortunately, my schedule was wacky and I needed too much help to man it, so we cancelled. Took most of the stuff to Goodwill this week instead. Played my clarinet at the opening of the summer reading program. It was a two hour event and they scheduled us to play the first 15 minutes and the last 15 minutes! At least it was a nice day. We are playing again at a library event next week. This is all volunteer ya know! Had someone come and refinish my decks. They look better! Had some more contractors come and look at stuff to finish up bids. I have a leak from my laundry, I think, so I need to get a plumber out next week sometime. It is always something. I went to the doctor and he said my thyroid level was low and had to up my dose. I also had him look at my joints and run some blood work. He said my joints looked good and the blood work came back fine, so he thinks the pain is more from the connective tissue, which is again probably fibromyalgia. I'm starting to accept that is what the problem is. He gave me an anti-inflamatory and a low level antidepressant which acts like a muscle relaxant. I do feel much more comfortable, but it makes me so tired. I am surprised with as low as the level is that I can be so exhausted. I also remember this was the problem with antidepressants in the past and it was so debilitating, that I just wound up going off them. I'll give it more time before I decide.

Well I'd better go and hop in the shower. See you all soon!

It Has Been Awhile

Hello All!

Nearly a month has passed since I last updated you. It has been very busy preparing for graduation, and time has gone by more quickly than I realized.

First of all, I did paint Noah's room. It turned out to be a bigger job than I had planned on. I wasn't going to paint the ceiling, but just touch up some bad spots. I used this ceiling spray that was fine on my other ceiling, but it was very yellow on Noah's ceiling.....so I bought a power sprayer and painted it. Then I decided to just prime all the walls because there was so much patchwork and grubbiness. I had heard about tinted primer that you could get the same color as your paint. It acts as the first coat, thus saving time and effort. When I went to purchase the blue, they said I needed a grey primer due to the dark color of the paint. I don't know much about these things, so I went with that. When I went back to get the golden color, I was told I could get a lighter primer or grey. I asked for more information, since I was obviously misinformed about tinted primer, and again got a hazy explanation about the deep color. Since I had plenty of grey, I just used that. Neither the blue or gold covered the first time, so I actually wound up painting the walls 3 times! I am pretty happy with the results though. The gold is a little on the orange side, but it goes well with the furniture and compliments the bedspread. Had just enough time to clean up the room before my mother-in-law and her husband came to stay for graduation.

Graduation-yes there was a graduation! Nate pushed it to the last day before we found out. English was the problem. He had a 68%. He got an 85% on his final exam which brought his grade up to 71%. One percentage point to spare! We were told he would not be allowed to go through the ceremony unless he passed, which made us nervous with Grandma & Grandpa coming all the way from MI just for that. The ceremony was good. Tip to all you with future grads-go early, take a blanket, and lay it on the bleachers to save your spot. It fills up fast. We had a nice family celebration afterwards-smoked turkey, pasta salad, cake.....Nate got a kick out of his card that said "What Fun......You're Done" and played the Hallelujah Chorus when opened up. He was a little crabby-felt like a giant tomato in his gown, and the hat was too small (which prompted him to say "I'm about 10 shades of pissed off right now" to me during the part of the ceremony where they give their parents a rose-memories......). Noah was even more crabby-don't know why, but was glad when he headed back home!

We had a good weekend with Darlene and Gary. Sat on the deck and had cheese, wine, and dessert while trying to enjoy a fire in our fire pit. It was a little windy and the fire a little smokey. We took several walks, Jim's mom and I went to see Wicked, and we tried Warren Buffett's favorite steak house (I was not impressed). I learned some things about my mother-in-law that I didn't know before, and it caused my respect for her to increase all the more. I'm so lucky to have her in my life.

In other news, I had to have a couple of mammograms and an ultrasound this month. I was getting nervous when we moved to the ultrasound, but I'm thankful to report that it is just a cyst. I did have the contractors come and look at the bathrooms. They are getting back to me with the ideas/bids and then we'll get that started. Noah is staying at college this summer, working at the bank and trying to take a couple of online classes from the local community college. He is behind since he decided to switch his major to business. He is living with a bunch of girls right now-but some are coming and going and he is also lonely. Nathan is still looking for work. Jim is enjoying his new recliner and cable tv. At least it keeps him out of my hair.

Well, that is all I can think to tell you right now. Please stay in touch-I'm lonely too!

A Few More Things

I forgot to update you on my band experience. Rehearsals went well. Most people are not as rusty as I am, so it challenged me beyond my limits just to keep up. The good thing about that is you see improvement quickly. We are playing at library staff day this week. My only problem is (well beside needing more group rehearsals) that he really won't pin down which songs we will be playing, and I find myself constantly sight reading. I'm practicing other songs he said to have prepared! Oh well, it is what it is (my frequent saying lately). Nate helped me move the tv and stand to the basement today and hook everything up again. We are getting cable later this week (he is so geeked). Then Jim and I went shopping and bought two rocker/recliners for the basement. Brought them home and assembled them. Waiting for Nate to get home from small group to help me maneuver them into place. Hopefully I can talk him into helping me move the furniture in Noah's room as well, so I can really get started tomorrow. I called several repair/remodel contractors to come out this week and give me bids too. Nate got a lift today when he was asked to be part of a landscape crew. He thinks it went well and he'll be asked again. Unfortunately, it isn't something regular, the foreman will call when he needs help. It helps that the foreman is his friend though. So that is about all I know for now. I need to go and plan a casserole for TBH tomorrow night. Keep in touch.

Beautiful

Hello family and friends. The beautiful spring weather is FINALLY here! Now if I could just get out more and enjoy it. Today I am stuck inside cleaning out Noah's room. I hope to prep and paint next week, as I have been given three days off work (unpaid of course). They are also going to paint the library. Noah isn't going to come home this summer, so I think it is time for him to take some more of his stuff. That will open up room for me to store some of my stuff in his room! I hope to have a big garage sale in May, and clear out even more stuff. How did we get so much stuff??

Noah is trying to work some things out in his personal life, which is hard for his momma to sit by and watch. He did switch his major to business and that puts him a year (or more) behind. He is sweet on a girl and texted over his limit by $130 (again) trying to establish something more with her (at least I'm pretty sure that is what is going on-he doesn't talk about these things ya know. If he did I'd tell him to TALK to her, that is what she wants!). He's not real happy with how he's been living his life right now, but by choosing to stay in that environment, he's having a hard time making changes. Nate isn't doing great either. I talked with his doctor about some of my concerns, and he is going to be furious when he finds out next week. He just wants to go in and get out as quickly as possible. He is still trying to get a part time job. He has decided not to go to college, so he really needs a full time job with benefits! Jim is another one that is having trouble making some changes. I am very concerned about his health. He has no energy, is very overweight, and was having a tight chest when we tried to walk the other night. He continues to sneak food (maybe it isn't sneaking if I know about it), and eat things he shouldn't, and snack all night. I hate sitting around just waiting for something bad to happen to him, because I've done all I can do right now. So that's the news about the men in my life.

We have one more night of TBH next week. I finished my bible study last night, so that should free up my schedule for the summer. I met my new neighbors, two women from New Jersey. Need to start planning for graduation. Nate hasn't even taken a picture......maybe I'll try again. Jim picked up the boat-boy does he have a lot of work to do after last summer's fiasco. He put the plug in and forgot to take it out, so it sat and collected water all summer. It is moldy, a battery is ruined, and I'm not sure if he ruined some wiring??? Plus he still needs to put the bench seat back together (which is why we haven't used it the past two years!). I've threatened to sell it this year if he doesn't get it done. It is ridiculous to own something you don't maintain or use because it isn't maintained. I want him to build me a new raised bed for my garden, but I'm not sure if I can get him moving on that either.

Well I've taken a long enough break and need to get back to clearing stuff out. Stay in touch!

March News

Hello all! Trying to recover after a rough couple of weeks now. Last week was just very busy, as I was gone every night. I very much enjoyed the color analysis I had done. I found out that I am a summer (but I so wanted to be a winter!). We had a great night at TBH. We did a different activity with the adults where they painted a glass votive making a "memory candle". They were laughing and sharing stories....it really opened up opportunities to talk with them. I also had a great night at bible study. Upon closing, someone asked for prayer. Normally, if you need prayer you stay after and a small group will pray with you, but we all stayed and prayed over these two requests. The gal that initiated is someone that I have only recently met, so I don't know much about her, but she does intrigue me. She is a little charismatic and so open to God. After praying for the requests, she started praying for Michelle. I was thinking, Michelle who??? Is she praying about me??? Is there another Michelle in our group??? It must be me right??? By the time I stopped all these questions rolling around in my mind, I heard her lift up two requests and prophesy a little. One, that I would draw close to God-he was calling me into the holy of holies to be with Him. Two, that he had a ministry planned just for me and he was calling me into it. Wow! I was blown away. God was speaking to me through this woman who barely knows me! She could never know that the deep cry of my heart was just that-to be deeply intimate with my Lord. I went home in tears pondering this prayer. I prayed and felt led to read my favorite devotional, Come Away my Beloved. When I did, the Lord gave me confirmation that He was calling to me and that we would share that intimacy which I so desire. Wow! I so needed to hear that. Since then, He is working on some issues with me, and I am a slow learner, but I'm starting to feel alive inside again. These past 4 years since my mom's death, I have felt so stagnant and alone. It is an exciting time for me! Noah surprised us over the weekend with a visit. He is still struggling this semester and is going to drop his organic chemistry class after failing a second test. He has lost all desire to be a doctor, or even be in the science field! He is thinking about switching to business as his major-he likes working at the bank. I have so many concerns floating around in my head-but what can I do? I have talked and talked to him, but he has to find his own way. Unfortunately, it appears he is going to learn it the hard way....which is hard for me as his parent to stand by and watch. And Nate, he is going to have to learn the hard, hard, hard, way! This week, I got sick. I missed a day of work and was in bed all day in agony. Each day, I have felt stronger, but I'm still not completely over it. I have been working with my clarinet. I thought the fingerings would be easy, and I would struggle with the rhythm, but it turns out both are a challenge. I have to look up most notes and when I play it is so awkward, trying to get the notes on the right beat. Aarrgghhh. We have our first group rehearsal this week! Tomorrow, we are having a party for our co-worker. Yesterday was her last day with us. We picked up a beautiful necklace (for a great price). She is a bundle of nerves, so I hope she can enjoy the party tomorrow. My eyes are getting pretty bad, so I have scheduled an eye exam for next week. I'm pretty sure I'll need glasses. Wonder if I can handle contacts? Well that is enough for now. I had to work today, my back is killing me, and I'm exhausted, so I think I'm off to bed, even though it is kind of early.

A Weekend Alone

Hello again! We are without children this weekend as Nathan went down to visit Noah. In a way it is very peaceful. I can get on my computer and look at things. No thumping music at night. No grumpy attitude to deal with. But in a way, it is a preview of things to come and that is scary. No kids to distract you from real issues. No youthful vitality to stretch you to try new things. No one else to talk to/spend time with. I am scared heading into middle age, and terrified of menopause. What if we don't survive? What if years of neglect have taken an irreversible tole on our relationship?

We are still working on our taxes. I want to much to have it done and cleaned up. The last of the paperwork, then I can move on to the house issues. I have been walking or using the elliptical most days and I can already feel the difference. I need to add some strength training and stretching soon. We have had a couple of nice days, so going outside for a walk has been a real treat. Today is not one of those days-gray & gloomy, cold & rainy.

The news at work is rather gloomy as well. My co-worker is teary most days with her impending departure. I am trying to keep an open mind and be positive about her replacement, but.....the news I am hearing seems to confirm my fears. Still, everyone deserves a chance, and I will give that to her. This week I am taking a fun little class at the community college-color analysis. I'll let you know how that goes later. I also have begun practicing my clarinet in preparation for our first rehearsal at the end of the month. I hope to receive the actual music soon. I may have to ask someone for help! Picked up some tickets to the musical Wicked this week. We are going close to Nate's graduation, so Jim's mom can go with me.

Noah called this week, distraught. He had another bad test grade. He did poorly on one organic chemistry test, and now one genetics test. He was frustrated and felt like a failure. We had some good conversation about persevering and not finding your worth in your performance, but he said he felt so lost. He's not even sure he is in the right major anymore. Remember him in your prayers.

Got to go and get some dinner going!

It doesn't look like March!

We got another snowstorm, so everything is all white and pretty today. The problem is that we keep getting 50 degree weather in between, so it all melts and it feels fresh like spring, and then BAM-the next storm rolls through. I am ready for spring. Earlier this week, on one of those 50 degree days, I took a walk at the park. It was so refreshing to breathe the air and feel the sunshine on my face.

We went to see Anita Renfroe for Valentine's Day. I don't know how much Jim enjoyed her humor, as it is targeted towards women. It did seem to help him understand me a little more. He acts like I am some alien woman- like I am the only one that thinks/acts this way or deals with this "woman" stuff. As he watched all the women around me laughing and shaking their heads yes in agreement, I think he realized that I'm not such an alien after all!

I picked up my elliptical and Nate helped me put it together. I have been using it most days (unless it is one of those beautiful ones where I want to be outside) and it is already helping to tone things up. I need to add some strength training and stretching this week.

I had lunch with a new friend this week. We talked for 4 hours! I needed some girl time so bad!!

Work has been busy and I have been having trouble keeping up with all my tasks. We found out on Friday that they are going to move my co-worker to another branch and bring in someone new. We were not happy about that. I'm afraid we are going to get someone that will not be nearly as good, and the quality of service at our branch will again suffer, not to mention the morale.

Noah will probably not be coming home for the summer. He has a good job as a bank teller that he wants to keep while he is in school, and they found a new place to live. Since he has to sign a year lease, he is planning on staying there and working. I'm fine with that. We actually told him that he should seriously consider that since he was being so difficult with us at home. What I really wanted was for him to just be more considerate and helpful and to stop fighting with us over stupid stuff. After he realized we were serious about him not coming home, he shaped up. Now that he has things worked out for the summer, he is back to being difficult. How disappointing. Noah was home last weekend. Two days after going back, he called and said he thought he needed new brakes, they were grinding when he stopped. He tried to say everything was fine when he was home for the weekend, but when we drove the car it was downright dangerous. When we spoke about what was needed to fix the car, I tried to talk to him about how he needs to pay closer attention. That started it! He started arguing. I finally said what I was looking for was an I'm sorry I wasn't paying close attention to my car and I'll try to do better in the future. He said he would try to do better in the future but he wouldn't apologize for not paying attention to his car because he has never had good brakes so how would he know when things are going bad. No humility, after we spent $500 to fix his car! While I had the car, I also noticed a big dent and scrape on his front bumper. When I asked about that he told me he was driving in the parking garage and was juggling four things in his hands, one of which was not the steering wheel. He ran into the wall of the parking garage! Now that's what I call paying attention! Today he is not happy with us because he wanted us to co-sign his lease for next year and we told him we weren't inclined to do that, but would talk it over. An hour and a half later, they had another parent co-sign, so we didn't have to, but he was still grumpy with us for not jumping at the opportunity.

Nate has also been grumpy. He lost it last weekend when I tried to clamp down on him because of a failing math grade. He threw his car keys and the battery of his cell phone at me and said he was leaving and I wouldn't be able to find him. He eventually came home because it was too cold, but unless he changes, one day he won't come home (or if he does, he'll find a suitcase of his stuff out front and he'll know he isn't welcome to come back home). He cut his hair a couple of weeks ago. He was bored and tired of long hair. It looks terrible, and he knows it, but he won't let me take him to get it fixed. He still doesn't have a job. He changed his mind about college and is not going anymore. His big goal is to get a job at Walmart when he turns 18.

We have been doing our taxes. It is not working so well this year. Turbo Tax is not figuring something correctly, so we have to figure a way to make the program do what we want it to do. We must have moved up a tax bracket (and lost child tax credits for the boys), so we are not getting much of a refund this year. Ouch, that hurts!

Well that is about all for today. Better get some dinner on and keep the laundry rolling!