Fall

Wow! We have been having a warm but beautiful fall so far. This is my favorite season! Leaves a just beginning to turn color, but not even close to peak, so we have that to look forward to. Jim and I went out to eat the other night and he asked me where I wanted to go. My only requirement, was somewhere with a patio. I just wanted to be out and enjoy this weather as long as I can.

Well things are getting better. We still miss our dog, but life moves on. Sometimes I still come home and look for her at the top of the stairs. Sometimes Jim still calls for her as he is laying on the floor watching tv. I'm working on a shadowbox for Jim for Christmas to preserve some memories. I think he'll really like that.

We went shopping and picked out a new tv. Problem is that all the new tv's are rectangle and our entertainment center has a traditional square opening. So we had to purchase a new entertainment center too! That came the other day and I have it all assembled. Now we have to move the old one out (and sell it because I think it is too big to fit downstairs) and set up everything in the new one. Maybe I'll call about cable today.....

Nate finished up driver's ed and got his license. Then we had to insure him-ouch! Now he is pushing for a car, but he still has no job. We plan on giving him Jim's jeep when Jim gets a new car. Nate is letting his hair grow out again and it is getting ugly. I asked him to please get it trimmed so we can take senior pictures, and he has refused me. He doesn't want to cut his hair and he doesn't want to take pictures. That stubborn selfishness will serve him well in life won't it!

Noah is doing well in school. I think the reality of becoming a doctor is starting to hit him. He talks more about doing research and this week was rambling on about becoming a CSI. Problem is I don't think CSI pay will cover his loans! We are going to go down and see him this weekend and I'm looking forward to that. We wanted to go to Parent's Weekend next month, but it was $120 for us to attend. I thought for that much money, surely we get to go to a football game, but Nooooo....You get to go on the field and have your picture taken with the mascot and cheerleaders!

My volunteering with TBH is going well. I am working with an adult group. Their stories really touch me and I fervently pray that I won't do or say anything that adds to their pain. I was less nervous the second week, but still get nervous because this is my first time working through the curriculum. I also continue on with my weight loss journey. I'm trying to walk most days and so far I've lost 65 lbs. Only two more to go until I meet the goal I set for myself. I've made a lifestyle change though, so perhaps I'm not through and I'll go lower before I'm done. I feel blessed to have gotten this far!

Well, I'd better go and get my bills paid and things cleaned up. Got a busy weekend with visiting Noah, a work party tomorrow, and looking at cars.

Hard Day

Yesterday, Jim and I put down our beloved dog of 14 years, Belle. She had a cancerous tumor on her bladder that we had known about for almost a year. The vet had told us that it wouldn't spread, but there seemed to be more going on with each passing day. She was growing weak in her back legs and couldn't do much physically without them giving out on her. Her bark had grown husky and lately it was rare to even hear her bark. She was breathing louder, sleeping harder, and had lots of lumps and bumps we could feel throughout her body. The medicine we were giving her would upset her tummy, she was straining more and more to go to the bathroom, and started having more accidents in the house. Last weekend we had two incidents that helped me come to peace with this decision. Saturday night, Jim let her out before bed, and she took off. He went out looking for her until 2:30 am, but could not find her. I was so upset and worried that I lost sleep. She has taken off in the past-every once in awhile she just gets the urge to go on an adventure. Problem this time-it was like a 98 year old person not realizing their limitations out there. I was afraid she would wander too far and her legs would give out on her in the middle of the road and she would get hit. I was also concerned because we didn't get her shots this summer. Why bother when we knew she would be gone soon. What if this is the one time she bit someone-we would be in more trouble without those shots. Well our neighbor called us in the morning and said she was down at his house. She didn't eat all day-wonder what she got into on her adventure-but she also didn't get sick. Sunday evening, Jim and I went out for a bit. Nate was home with her, but evidently she slept. So when we came back, she probably needed to go outside. She was acting antsy, but we were distracted and figured she wanted food. As Jim was feeding her, I walked into the living room and found her going potty on the carpet! What was so shocking is that she never really let us know she had to go out. She would bark and pester you until you got it, but not this time. She just followed us around and panted and we didn't pick up on it. Jim and I talked several times over the week and came to the decision together. He had a harder time, he really loved that dog and she loved him. I needed it to be a mutual decision and I needed him to be there too. It was so hard. She was thumping her tail even as he gave her the injection. I can't believe the amount of grief I have about this. It seems excessive for a dog. I felt like I was finally moving through the grief for my mom, and this brings up all those same emotions. Maybe I am just not ready to deal with loss again. And of course with this there is the guilt. We made the decision, we took her there, she trusted us. I don't feel like it was the wrong decision, it was just one I had hoped we would never have to make.

Feeling like Fall

After a very warm Labor Day weekend, a cold front has moved through and it is downright chilly! I should have worn a sweatshirt out on my walk this morning. I'm not complaining-I love this kind of weather.

We went camping over Labor Day. It was the first time we have gone this summer! Noah was going to stay home and watch the dog, but hours before we left, he changed his mind and decided to come with us. Jim's reaction-"We don't have enough food". Nate went to camp with a friend, so it was supposed to be just Jim and I. Even though I was grateful that Noah decided to come with us, it did put a kink in our plans and cause extra work at the last minute to make it happen. We camped in South Dakota at a private camp that was very nice. The camp was small and quiet, so that made the weekend very relaxing. Saturday we made a good breakfast and then went down to the lake and floated around. The lake was pretty clean and cool, so it was very refreshing. Noah and I played washers (he beat me by one point), and then we all played a game of Mexican Train dominoes. Noah was the previous champion (which he loved rubbing in), but he finished in last place this time around. That evening we got cleaned up and went to Sioux Falls for dinner. I had heard about a Brazilian grill, which Jim was really wanting to try when we went to Charlotte this summer. It was a neat dining experience. They had this little wheel on your table-half was red and half green. When you wanted the gauchos to come around with the meat selections, you would turn your wheel to green. They would come with all sorts of meat on a long skewer and slice it off for you at your table. There was sausage, parmesan chicken, top sirloin, even alligator. When you had enough, you would turn the wheel to red. There was also a salad bar with all sorts of interesting things-rum eggs, hearts of palm, oysters, meats & cheeses-and a hot bar that had fried bananas for dessert (yum). It was rather expensive, but a treat we really enjoyed. Sunday, we just hung around camp in the morning. Noah used the time to catch up on homework. In the afternoon, we headed back to Sioux Falls to go to the Lifelight Festival. This is the free christian music festival we have gone to several times. In previous years, we have camped right on site and attended the festival all weekend. I didn't get my reservations in early enough this year though. We arrived just in time to see, Matthew West, Phil Joel, Building 429, Natalie Grant, and Casting Crowns. So much fun!!

It has been nice to have a shortened work week too! We are starting a new thing at work to learn more about library 2.0. I am excited to start that, even though it is not easy to do with all the interruptions. Nate finished the classroom part of driver's ed. Monday he will start the driving part. I don't think he has enough experience, but we need to move him forward and get past this obstacle. I think school is going ok for both boys. Noah has had a lot of hassle trying to buy his books elsewhere to save a little money. The most recent problem is that a book he bought off Amazon didn't come with a code that he needs to do quizzes online for his professor. That code can't be bought separate and only comes with the book from the bookstore, so he had to buy a brand new book from the bookstore and send his book from Amazon back. Isn't that a rip! He doesn't think it has been worth all the hassle just to save $40-live and learn! Nate is enjoying his graphics arts class and work study. For that he is working at a car stereo shop, learning how to install that kind of stuff. They also do upholstery, but he hasn't got into that yet. Our dog is really declining and we are trying to decided whether to put her down or refill her medicine one more month. She is starting to have some more accidents, and her stomach is touchy with the medicine. A couple of weeks ago, I came home from work and she had thrown up in 17 spots. It took hours of clean up. Her back legs are getting weaker and weaker. She went swimming in the lake this weekend and after going out about a dozen times, her back legs would collapse when she tried to stand up. It is hard. My grief support group starts next week. I need to look over my materials this weekend. I am still nervous.

Well I'd better go. I want to vacuum and dust and put the fall decorations out today.

Getting back to Normal

It has been a busy summer with work, travel, company. So busy that we haven't even gone camping. What is more summer than camping? Now school has started for my high school senior and we saw the college boy off this week. Today was my first day off in a long time, ALONE. I accomplished much in the way of paperwork and clean up. I feel like life is getting back to normal-thus the title of this blog entry.

This month has flown by at work because nearly everyone has gone on vacation. That has left me working extra shifts to cover, and when I am there we are shorthanded, so there is also extra work for me to do too! I did manage to paint Noah's dresser that he was taking to college. I was really pleased with how it turned out and wondered why I didn't do that a lot sooner. I had the cute new twig drawer pulls for years! Noah and I were supposed to do it together, but guess who wound up doing 95% of the work-ME. Because he didn't have much invested, he wasn't too bothered when he dinged it up moving or when the paint job was ruined when the drawers stuck (like his momma told him they would). He also assured me that his new queen bed would go up the narrow staircase at the house. Instead of grabbing the spare queen box springs that were sitting at the house when he went down a few weeks ago and trying it out for size-he was too busy having fun-he eyed it up and made a poor judgment call. I wasn't too concerned that we couldn't return the mattress. I told him before we purchased it that if it didn't fit, I was leaving it at the house and it was his problem to deal with. Regardless, there were some tense moments when it wouldn't go up, and after all this his momma decided to wash her hands clean of caring so much for her dear firstborn son. I looked around his college room and then thought back to my college room. No comparison. Obviously things are more important to me than they are to him. Because of this, he lacks the appreciation I think he should shower upon me. Maybe there was some wisdom in my parent's decision to do so little. Regardless, I don't think it will take long before he "hits the wall" and comes looking for a bailout, which I have told him upfront will not be happening this year. The expectations and responsibilities have been made very clear and he had his year of grace last year. I think that is what he will need to learn and grow up, but it upsets me that he is probably still going to put me in that position by asking. Anyhow, I still have a lot of concerns for Noah. He is living in a house with three pampered privileged boys. Two of the boys are over 21 (which doesn't really matter since the third boy's parents provide booze for him). The campus is large and I still think Noah would function better at a smaller school. He doesn't have enough money. Keep him in your prayers. Me too! It's not easy letting go. Nate too! He is not starting out with his usual hopeful attitude. He's being pretty negative and getting into bad habits already (staying up late, not doing homework until morning). The good thing is he has a pretty easy schedule this year, but he has no wiggle room. He must pass all of his classes to graduate. He has work study the last couple of hours. He is learning how to install car stereos and do upholstery work for vehicles. He has filled out a couple of applications and had a couple of interviews, but no job yet. There are also many opportunities he lets pass him by...... He has his last driver's ed class tomorrow, but says he isn't scheduled to drive until mid-October! He's not happy about that; he's not happy that we won't just give him a car........he too has a lot of growing up to do.

I continue to lose weight. Right now, I am 57 lbs down-10 to go! I've gotten sloppy about writing things down this month, but am encouraged that I seem to be doing ok. We start back in the fall, and with new determination I hope to reach my goal before the end of the year. Things have slowed down and I have a feeling these last 10 lbs will be the most difficult. I don't want to settle though! Fall will bring new challenges with new people joining. We had another bible study reunion. We invited our beloved director of women's ministries to speak. She is such an inspiring, beautiful, wise woman of God. She will be moving to Texas soon and I will miss her dearly. I have a frame on my nightstand that has a copy of something that Anne Graham Lotz gave to her. It is the words-Not Somehow, but Triumphantly. That is how Nancy has lived her life and that is how I want to live mine too. I have agreed to lead a grief group in the fall. I am really nervous-it should be another growing experience (we never stop having them). I went to the dermatologist this week and he froze a bunch of growths. I was trying to get him to take a large red mole off that Mya didn't like (and she let me know nearly every day she was here), but that didn't work out this time. We have to do this delicate dance back and forth, to communicate with each other in a way so that he can charge my insurance for the procedure. Oh, I almost forgot-I got a new fridge! I did measure and it still barely fit! I am liking it very much-a side by side with water and ice on the door. Our old one had so many pieces and parts broken, it was going to cost as much as I paid for it to replace them. I'm glad we did it now, they are phasing out the color Bisque, which is what all our new appliances are. As it is, we didn't have many to choose from.

Well I've got to get going and hit the sack. Driver's Ed comes early tomorrow morning and I've got to shower and make my "hussy" self up before meeting a friend for breakfast. Keep in touch!

Kim's Visit

Kim and the kids just left this morning after spending nearly a week here with us. It was so good to spend some time with my sister and so much fun doing things with my niece and nephew! The day they arrived, it was pretty hot, and those "northerners" had a hard time handling it. It was supposed to be like that all week, but thankfully we caught a break on the weather and most days it was overcast and cooler. The first day, we went to the water park. Nathan was able to come with us, and we all had alot of fun. Conner really liked the water slides and wave pool. Mya started swimming underwater and went down the big water slide too (Aunt Shelly had to catch her at the bottom). The next day, we went to the zoo. Both my boys went with us! I know, I was surprised too. I said I'd take them anytime, but they said it was boring to go to the zoo with me! Mya did not like the crocodile swamp, but both kids loved the aquarium and the gorillas. Mya was tickled when one gorilla sat in a window near her and picked his nose! The following day we went shopping for a new WebKinz. Aunt Shell learned all about the WebKinz-have to get one of my own! We also went to a melodrama in the evening. A melodrama is a play that requires audience participation (which is what makes it so fun). We got a front row seat and a tub of popcorn and we were all set. When the hero comes on stage, you are supposed to cheer. When the heroine comes on stage, you are supposed to say, awwwwwwww. And when the villain comes on stage, you booooo and throw popcorn at him. That was the best part! Jim took the next day off work and took Conner fishing. Kim, Mya, and I went shopping and joined them later with a picnic. We arrived just in time to see Conner catch the biggest fish of the day. Mya caught two fish after lunch and then we went swimming. Friday, both my boys joined us for some putt putt golf and refreshing slushies at Sonic. It was great having little kids around again. I learned I've lost touch with that world and I have some work to do before I have them in my life again (grandkids). I also had a crash course in how exhausting it can be-I'm not as young as I used to be! All the more reason to take better care of myself. It was refreshing to have the laughter and silliness again-after the dourness and sarcasm of my teenagers. I'm so grateful they came out to visit. I got to know them better and we really created good memories that will be with all of us throughout our lives. I don't get company often, and this visit was special.

We have to begin getting ready for the fall. Nate starts school in a few weeks, and Noah will go to his new university in less than a month. Nate has a good friend from FL visiting right now, and after he leaves will start three Saturdays of driver's ed. We haven't done anything as a family this summer. Hope to do some fall camping at least. Jim still hasn't fixed the boat seat. Two summers almost have passed and we haven't taken it out. We purchased a new fridge. It should be coming this week. I'm excited to have decent storage space again. Stuff kept breaking on our old fridge and it cost enough to replace/fix that we decided to just get a new one. We got a side by side, with water and ice on the door. Jim is finally done with the outage, but they are so shorthanded at work that he has to go back on shift later this year. Our dog's health is declining and I believe it is getting close to the time where a decision needs to be made. Of course, my husband is going to try and put it off by living in denial. Can't think of much more for now-so ta ta.......

Happy Fourth of July

Hello again! Hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th. Even though fireworks are illegal in our town, it sounded like WWIII last night. I think my old dog must be going deaf, because she is usually a basket case, but didn't seem to notice last night.

Just a few things to update today. First of all, Nate and his girlfriend broke up. She has decided to move in with her dad on the east coast. The worst part about it is that Nate knew a few days beforehand that it was a possibility, and he prayed that she would come back here. He feels like God is always telling him "NO", and so it is hard for him to even pray. "What's the point", he says. What I can't tell him is that I struggle with this same thing and haven't figured it out for myself. I don't mind God telling me "NO". I trust Him to lead me in the right path, but when I look for that guidance lately He has been silent , and I am confused. What I also can't tell him is that I had my reservations about this family and had just found out some information that day that led me to pray to God to drive a wedge between them that would break them apart. That was a quick answer. I know I sound awful for praying that prayer, but you would have to know my son Nate. He has such low self esteem right now, that he doesn't feel worthy of being with good kind people. He only feels like he can be with people that are on the "fringe", and that is not good for him. Now I'm not saying anything bad about his girlfriend, as you know I barely knew her, but the things I had been putting together about her family life and background did cause some concern which led to that prayer. It must be God's will, but I feel guilty and I feel bad that by God answering my prayer and not his (again) that his fragile faith is shaken even more.

In a few weeks, things will be hopping around here. Nate's best friend is coming for a couple of weeks from FL. Now Nate is wishing he had got a job (since he is flat broke) and his driver's license (so they could go places). You know what that means for me-a difficult few weeks! At the same time, my sister and her children are coming for a visit and I am so excited. I have been planning things we can do together-go to the zoo, the water park, the playground......I realized that it has been a long time since I have done these things, because my kids grew up and now think they doing anything with me is LAME. It will be wonderful to be around little ones that enjoy spending time with you and can laugh and have fun.

I have lost 49 lbs to date. One more little pound and I can say 50. I can't wait! My exercise has been cut back because of my back. It started acting up right before the trip and still is not good. I keep walking though. I noticed on my trip how hard it was for Jim to get in and out of the seat on the plane, and how much easier it is for me now. I would have struggled like that before. I also notice that when I look in the mirror, I am finally starting to see myself looking back. I haven't recognized my image for years now.

Well I'd better sign off and get my day started. It is always good to hear from you!

Back from Vacation

Well we flew home last night and everything is still standing in relatively good shape. Our fist time leaving the boys home alone went ok. Jim and I had a really nice time in North Carolina. The first evening there was a fancy reception with wine and hors dourves at the hotel. The hotel was very fancy-down comforters, dual shower heads, terry robes. Jim was at the conference all day, so I slept in and then started exploring. When Jim finished up, we would go out to dinner. Charlotte is a really nice town, but expensive. Most of the restaurants had sidewalk cafe seating and the weather was nice, so we enjoyed that. The only thing that saved my diet, was all the walking you do when you are downtown. I was going to go to the Billy Graham Library one day, but getting around was tougher than I thought and the weather couldn't have been more perfect that day. After walking a couple of blocks and getting some breakfast, I decided to sit in the park and read instead. I didn't regret it one bit-it was the first day that felt like summer to me! I also thought about getting a massage at the hotel, but after spending $10 for a GLASS of wine one evening, I changed my mind. The prices weren't listed for the spa services-and that is never a good thing!

After the conference was done, we drove to Asheville. We took the scenic route, driving up into the mountains. It was lovely, until we discovered that a retaining wall had washed out and the road was closed. We had to turn around and drive clear back down the mountain and around to finally get there. Our bed and breakfast was a beautiful 100 year old southern home. We would get up and have a wonderful breakfast and then head out for the day, returning at 5 pm for appetizers and wine on the veranda (we northerners call it the front porch), and then into town for dinner. We had some fabulous food in Asheville! We visited Biltmore Estate one day. That is something I always wanted to see. It was huge and very beautiful. Spent the entire day there and didn't see many of the things we had hoped (the stables, the farm, the surrounding village, ran through the winery just to get to the tasting (hmmm... sensing a theme here). Our last morning we explored a few craft shops. Jim bought me a beautiful silver handmade bracelet. It has a pansy on it. Very pretty. I wish we had more time-Asheville is a really neat town and we didn't even scratch the surface of all there was to see. Mark Twain said, "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness" and I understand. I feel like my horizons were broadened by this trip and look forward to taking many more.

Our flights were good-thankful for that. There were a couple of big storms while we were gone-no damage here, again very thankful. Last night a horrible storm blew through and two teens were killed as a huge tree fell on their car. Lots of damage around town. Thinking about going camping for the 4th of July, but we have had such bad weather that I'm not sure that would be a good idea.

Otherwise, not much is new. I rode the library float in the local parade again. It was not as fun as last year because they didn't get our registration and so they put us at the end of the parade. I had to lock Nate out of the computer today, so he will get off and look for a job. It is not going over real well. Have to start figuring out Noah's stuff for college in the fall. He still doesn't have a place to live!